Sex in marriage, is it really a thing? Or is it like people would lead us to believe a myth, something that vanishes after the 6 month honeymoon faze. Truth is it can be both. We all hit speed bumps along the way, things become too easy, we lose the spark and our partner becomes comfortable. We go to bed each night to sleep, its routine and we no longer feel the burning desire to prove our love for each other, we already have accepted and understand we love each other.
However if we don't work at continuing to show and express that love people can begin to feel alone in the marriage and start to feel something is broken. Its not all doom and gloom though, we can easily move past these bumps in the road. We can even continue to grow our relationships to be better and stronger then ever. If you think about it yes one night stands have some element of excitement, unbridled passion where we can be who we want without fear or shame for one night of roof shaking sex. And yes the first stages of a new relationship feels amazing where the lust is burning, the sex is hot and we have a desire to please each other and feel whole.
So if you think about it marriage can actually be an amazing combination of both these things and build beyond that. Lets for a second think about the dynamics of a good healthy marriage. You have committed your heart and soul to the person you love. Your best friend, the person who knows you best, that you share your life, your heart and your future with so surely you can share all of you with them. Unfortunately this is often the issue, we don't. We fall into a vanilla routine and sex becomes a chore much like having to do the house work. So how do we overcome this we can achieve the most amazing sex. How to achieve this will vary on the couple, we are all different but you two know each other best.
Think back to the idea of a one night stand, unbridled passion to be whoever you want to be, share that person with your partner over and over again. Now the 6 month honeymoon faze, the desire to please each other go back to that, extend on that, talk! Find out what the other person desires, find out what you desire and share it with your partner. Shake up the vanilla, maybe introduce some toys to your bedroom, there is no shame in having sex nor is there shame in having great sex so let go of your fears of what the neighbours might think, buy some whips and chains, hit the g-spot and sing out loud and proud and give the neighbours something to think about.
Now it may not be easy but it will be worth your time. Suggestions for moving out of the slump and into the wet patch I have to offer are really get to know each other, you have been together for a long time now, you should really know your partner well but maybe you can get to know them even better. Sex education is amazing, research, research, research! Did you know the male multiple orgasm is a real achievable thing that doesn't even need to lead to ejaculation, which may I add is actually only the body's natural process not actually an orgasm like we believe.
Shake it up in the bedroom, go away for a weekend, role play. Be strangers at the bar and work at picking each other up. Share fantasies, share your kinks. No one else needs to aware of the desires of your bedroom just you and your partner so you need not feel embarrassed, feel empowered.
Do you know the feeling of tying your partner up, teasing them until they need to throw you down and fuck you. There is no vanilla or duty involved, the feeling of pure unadulterated desire to take your partner and forget everything else in the world and just be with them in that moment, hot and heavy, bodies as one, its quite nice hahaha.
Now I've gone on a lot and could ramble on more but I'll draw it in and call the myth theory bullshit! We all get complacent and comfortable in marriage but it doesn't mean the desire is lost, it simply means it needs to be found once more. Someone you have been with for many years, knows your body well, probably better then you do so couple that with an open discussion and acting out of your deepest desires and actually martial sex is totally amazing!
Why on earth would anyone ever want to be with someone who doesn't know them in every possible way and have to retrain someone new. Its what everyone aims for, an equal partner in life that can fuck us right, love us right and respect us perfectly. Don't settle for vanilla, work on achieving amazing, find your perfect person and be their perfect person. Love and be loved, fuck and be fucked!
Until next time stay strong, stay happy and stay beautiful. XX